There are a lot of stereotypes about being the eldest daughter. It's always seen as a challenge. These daughters often feel like they're not doing enough, struggling to maintain a facade of control, and that their diligence is essential for the entire household. But, is it the same for me?
From my personal point of view, being the eldest daughter requires a lot of understanding, patience, and mostly perseverance. Oh! I forgot to introduce my background. I am the first child, who happened to be born as a girl, in a conservative South East Asian household, and lost her dad at a very young age. Other first child and daughter might not agree or relate to my situation, and that's cool. We're all different and that's what makes us beautiful.
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Personally, I think I experienced a great childhood. I never really felt the pressure to do things. My parents provided me with the utmost love and care. I was never being told to take care of my younger siblings. Never being told to do my laundry. Never been asked to help with the house chores. In the past, my parents have always hired a maid to assist with those tasks. Third parent? I was never responsible for it. The role was not something that existed in our household.
I was never being forced to "fulfill" my "role" as the first daughter. Not that I remember. But, as I grew up, seeing my mother struggle with things, my "instinct" naturally kicked in, and the next thing I knew, I started to put ridiculous expectations on myself. I am habitually in a flight or fight mode.
As people always say, "It's not you. It's me". I've always felt the stress of feeling accountable for my mother and siblings' happiness, the worries of not being able to do things perfectly, and the pressure to succeed in every single thing I did. I didn't remember being forced to be the "perfect daughter", but I pressured myself to be one. But as time passed, I must admit, I felt like, being the independent daughter backfired on me terribly.
It seems like my siblings have exploited me. They think everything will be taken care of, so they don't help with house chores often. The mental strain is intense. Or, again, maybe it's just me, wanting everything to be perfectly perfect when it's nothing big to be stressed about. Sometimes, it's nice to not be on my toes all the time. I've missed the days when I didn't have to rack my brain on every single smallest thing. Don't get me wrong, I love my siblings, but I hope they make an effort and understand that things are not spontaneous. It's all my brain and energy that get it done.
To put it succinctly, everyone is entitled to equal treatment. Imagine how prosperous a nation can be if everyone plays their part in life without having to 'oppress' others. Life is too short for us, the first children and daughters, to be engrossed in trivial things. Sometimes we need some pampering. We have plenty of love to offer. But at the same time, we deserve to be loved.
